I’ve had people surprise themselves with how well ENM fits for the them and people who thought ENM fit perfectly with their politics but not with their emotions.

Both monogamy and non-monogamy are fine. I have no horse in this race. It’s about finding which one works for you – maybe both do but only one works for the partner/s you’re currently seeing. Within both models there are many different subtypes and nuances that can be unique to each relationship.

I’ve thought of creating an ‘Intro to ENM’ course online where people can purchase and go through online content at a self-directed pace however due to the complexity of unpacking people’s individual attachment histories/legacies and it’s interactions with the intersections of politics/practicalities of ENM I thought better of it. 

I find that my conversations with people who want to explore ENM come in a few phases.

1. Self directed research and reading ENM books, articles, podcasts, etc. such as Reddit, etc.

2. Genogram and attachment mapping session with counsellor. (1 hour for individuals, 1.5 hour for dyads+)

3. Research and/or homework suggested by counsellor for individual context e.g. Polysecure, Multiamory, etc.

4. ENM style discussion session with counsellor and dating coaching about Sydney’s ENM scene. (1 hour for individuals, 1.5 hour for dyads+)

5. Individuals go out and trial ENM, and come in fortnightly to workshop what works/what needs to be changed. 

6. Move to monthly sessions/ad hoc sessions.